8 Mindfulness Techniques to Simplify Motherhood 10x

 

A decade ago, during my immersion in the high-tech industry, I was so absorbed in my work that I failed to fully engage with life. I appeared satisfied, successful, and fulfilled based on societal norms, yet I lacked a certain something, and I couldn't pinpoint what that was until the day I delivered Ilay.

The Single Biggest Shift When You Become a Parent

As a marketing manager and a woman who wore many hats - a wife, daughter, friend, and sister - the language that permeated my social circle was rife with judgment, interpretation, fear, guilt, and shame. It was customary to point fingers and lay blame on others when we desired something. And when we wished to express our emotions, we often started by attributing them to someone else's actions. This culture of blame-shifting prevailed, and no one took responsibility for their actions. It seemed that everyone was part of the same cycle.

What Are Toddlers and Adults REALLY Different From One Another?

Initially, communicating with a baby or toddler can be an incredibly daunting task for all parties involved. As time progresses, it can either become simpler or exceedingly more intricate. Allow me to elaborate:

Babies and young children possess a level of self-awareness regarding their needs and emotions that many adults have long since lost. There's no artifice, fear, guilt, blame, or shame in their communication. They communicate their wants and needs without any manipulative tactics. When they need something, they will ask for it, and when they desire something, they will cry for it. It's not to frustrate or deceive you, nor is it to toy with your emotions. Rather, it's their way of communicating their needs to you.

Why Don't We Appreciate Our Children?

Children's mode of communication is uncomplicated and straightforward, consisting of binary expressions. Unfortunately, many of us find it difficult to comprehend because we have been conditioned over time to detach our communication from our primal needs and emotions, whether we like it or not.

Should we muster the courage to learn and understand our children's communication style, while also expressing our own wants and needs, and responding to their needs and feelings, we can experience a straightforward, yet significant and advantageous family life. However, if we persist in teaching them a language rooted in rewards and punishments, manipulation, fear, guilt, and shame, we will soon find ourselves bargaining with young people who have become more adept than we are at these tactics. At this point, communication breaks down, and life morphs into a zero-sum game.

Dare to Learn

Children possess an innate wisdom that we, as adults, have long forgotten, and they have much to teach us.

Children are born trusting and honest, holding onto the belief that there is someone out there who will acknowledge their pain with compassion and comprehension. When was the last time you shared your woes with someone, genuinely believing that it could lead to a positive change? Sadly, as adults, we tend to refrain from opening up about our struggles. We prefer to suffer in silence, fearing that divulging our vulnerabilities might make us appear feeble. Moreover, we often doubt that sharing our pain will make any real difference. At times, we're merely too apathetic. We've grown accustomed to our current predicament, aware of the rules and how to maneuver within them. Consequently, we're unable to take action to improve our well-being.

It's imperative to clarify that if infants followed these same patterns, humankind would cease to exist.

8 Mindfulness Techniques to Simplify Parenting 10x

Whether you're a new, experienced, or expecting mother, the following ten mindful practices can help you manage your child's intense emotions for what they genuinely are - a courageous attempt to communicate their needs and feelings. Acknowledging this fact and living it out can enable you to embrace your child's emotions without any critical analysis or assumption, strengthening your bond with them and establishing a secure connection that can last a lifetime.

#1 Depend on Your Five Senses

The only authentic representations of what's happening are what you can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell. Everything else is merely an evaluation or interpretation. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "She's trying to manipulate me," say to yourself, "I can see and hear my daughter crying." By doing this, you're responding to the reality of the situation, rather than your own perception of it.

#2 Don't attempt to stop it

Whatever is happening is already occurring, and if we try to alter it while it's happening, we'll be battling against our reality. In these struggles, no one emerges victorious. The reality is that we can't change someone else's emotions, and it's not our responsibility to do so.

3. Don't hold yourself accountable.

We often assume responsibility for everything that occurs around us, a notion that we were instilled with since childhood, and we carry this belief into our adult years, causing unnecessary suffering. However, the reason for her current tears is insignificant; what is important is the fact that she is crying. The rationale for today's tears is already a part of the past, but tomorrow has the potential to be better if we trust that we've done all we could today.

#4 Don't let it get to you

Regardless of our children's age, we often assume that their crying is a result of something we did or didn't do, causing us to feel guilty and hurt. However, as discussed in the previous article, it's crucial to remember that their tears are not our fault and not to take it personally. Your child is crying simply because their needs are not being fulfilled, nothing more, nothing less.

#5 Don’t Worry

When we encounter a situation that we don't know how to handle, our brains tend to create stories to fill in the gaps of our understanding. We struggle with not knowing, and so we often attribute a cry to teething, fever, growth spurts, or separation anxiety. While these things may be true, they aren't always the root cause. We create these stories to make ourselves feel like we know what's going on. However, the more we let our thoughts run wild, the less present and grounded we are in the situation.

#7 Don't live for tomorrow, rule 

Different people offer help, advice, and support in different ways, and not all of them may be effective. It is perfectly acceptable to politely decline and say, "Thank you, but this isn't helpful." Everyone has their own ideas about how to handle children's strong emotions, and not everyone will agree with your approach. This is fine, as everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions, but it's important to remember that this doesn't reflect on you or your child.

#8 Observe Your Heart, No

While it may seem cliche, listening to our hearts requires quieting the constant stream of thoughts in our minds, a difficult task. Others around us may try to influence us with their own opinions and advice, but it's important not to give in to their pressure. Trusting our instincts and inner guidance is key, even if it goes against what others suggest.

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